I found out this recently that someone I’ve looked up to so much for the past few years was walking around, holding feelings of mistrust and in a sense, bitterness toward me for about two years. I was never knew until they told me this weekend. It shocked me so badly, tears jumped out of me before I could signal my tear ducts to chill out. I didn’t understand how someone could walk around for two whole years and think what I believed to be the worst about me - because anything that could cause someone not to trust me, in my opinion, it is the WORST. I pride myself on being one of the most trustworthy people, loyal, caring, downright ride or die people I know. It blew my mind and nothing shocks me much anymore.
I realized in thinking about that for the past day, that I really have been a person all my life to weigh heavily what people think of me and if they get the wrong impression I go out of my way, I bend over backwards to get them to see just how untrue their perception of me might be. It worries me so badly when I think someone is upset with me or has got the wrong idea about me. And I honestly don’t know why.
It bugged me so badly this weekend that this morning I had to call my Auntie, who is also my pastor. I totally forgot that today was Sunday and that she was getting ready for church. She didn’t answer at first so I left a message but she called back within 20 minutes. She hadn’t heard the phone.
We spoke for two hours. She asked me, “Are you trying to please (the person) or are you trying to please God?” And that question stopped my worry in its tracks.
Human beings are going to think things that are untrue. Human beings are going to get the wrong idea, the wrong impression. They’re going to imagine things that aren’t really there. I had been so busy running myself ragged trying to pacify and please PEOPLE that I had forgotten and lost my focus on the God who has never gotten me wrong. Having spoken with my Aunt for a little over two hours I got this amazing sense of clarity and this is the second time in my life where a burden was immediately lifted from me. I mean the panic, sadness, worry, anxiety I woke up with just faded. Like that.
It may sound sappy or whatever to those who’ve not had a personal experience with Christ but seeking His approval far outweighs anything or anyone else in life. To know that you’ve brought joy to God Himself by your works is the most rewarding thing in this life. And how amazingly stress-relieving would it be if we all traded the 20 or 30 human beings we struggle to please for the One God Almighty? When He is pleased, everyone else’s opinions fail to exist in your world. Whether it’s your father, mother, sibling, best friend, boss, etc. We would LOVE to make everyone happy that we care about, love, or look up to but the reality of the matter is that we can’t. Absolutely cannot. It’s an impossibility. But what must be understood is that if we seek to do right by God, then all these people will be happy as well if they are aligned with His will as well.
Whatever the root of our fears of people’s opinions stems from it’s time to figure it out, understand it and begin making the necessary changes to move on from focusing on people to focusing on our relationship with God. That’s all that will last in the end. There’s an amazing sense of healing that happens when we shift our focus and I only know because I’ve experienced it. Yes, I’ve gone back a few times but when I found my way back to Him, and re-centered my focus there was nothing that could keep me bound. There was no one who could knock me off the cloud He’d placed me on.
In this blog post, I offer that same security, healing, wholeness to you.
God comes first. All else is secondary. “Seek God first. Be happy at last.”